made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
