I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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