My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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