ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
