I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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