Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
