So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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