I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
