A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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