the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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