I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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