omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
