Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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