she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Everclear isn't food dammit
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
