i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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