the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
