Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
