I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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