The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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