Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
