I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
