We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
