Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
