I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
