Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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