So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
did i just pee glitter
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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