He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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