There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
