I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
