I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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