He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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