what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize