i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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