i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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