from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
