So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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