Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
