i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
