Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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