bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
