My hand turned me down
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
