After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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