epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
