Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
