i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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