explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize