In the future we'll all be gay
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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