Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
