im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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