nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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