If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
