he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
