she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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