so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
