I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
