idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
