hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
