im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize