my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
